Come Sit Down and Talk to Me

I took the physical agility test that’s a prerequisite for many fire departments during medic school.  I drove three hours to take it.  I did a practice test, practiced the stair mill with a 50 lb vest and a 30 lb sand bag, drove back a few weeks later, took the test and passed.  The two guys in front of me did not. I was nervous about it and proud that I’d finished. 

A retired fire captain who now works at the testing site came up to me right after.

“Come sit down and talk to me,” he says.

My eyes glitter at being singled out as I hustle over.  I’m still catching my breath, excited it’s over and that I did well, happy, smiling.

“Why do you want to be a firefighter?” he asks.

I explain my reasons and he listens. I’m an absolute sucker for an older guy who wants to give me attention and advice. It hits me in a tender spot as I wait eagerly for his sage feedback.

He tells me I should pursue a different career, “Maybe a nurse, have you thought about that?”

“I am a nurse, Sir.” I say.

“Oh, great, well, it sounds like you’ve got it all figured out. Listen, this test, it’s really the bare, bare minimum, it doesn't accurately portray the demands of this job and I just don’t want the fact that you passed to mislead you.”

“OK.” I say.

He continues, “I see you put a lot of effort into the things you do and I believe you have a bright future ahead of you, maybe even a nurse practitioner,” he says and I tilt my head to the side and smile like a fool, feeling grateful my efforts are being noticed.

“Thank you so much!” I say and mean it, “I will think about what you said.”

“Good.” He says.

As I walk to my car I start to wonder, “Why don’t I feel good right now?” I had developed an unsettling tingling, like I was missing something.

I get in and as I start my car, I sigh, “Goddamnit,” suddenly realizing, “That guy was an asshole.”

I shake my head at my blindness.  I ate that shit up when he was talking to me. It’s not till almost a year later though, that I see the very obvious connection between wanting my dad to be proud of me and being smitten with these captains.

“Yes Dad, I mean Captain!” I imagine myself saying, “Thank you for paying attention to me and sharing your wisdom! I’m honored to be here, Sir, truly honored."

“Is this unfulfilled need really part of my attraction to this career?” I wonder. 

I decide that shoot, it might be part of the appeal, and that that’s OK.  

I can't believe I gave that man a genuine smile.

Oh well, I decide. I'll keep eating it up, and filling that void, and taking as long as I need to come to my own conclusions.

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Review

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This story is emotionally nuanced, introspective, and subtly powerful, offering an honest exploration of internalized doubt, societal bias, and the complexities of seeking validation from authority figures. On the surface, it seems like a simple anecdote about passing a physical test and receiving unsolicited advice. Beneath that, though, it speaks volumes about gender bias in male-dominated fields, emotional vulnerability, and the unconscious pull of unresolved personal needs.

At its core, this story is about seeking validation in environments that diminish you—particularly in male-dominated spaces where authority figures often undermine women’s capabilities under the guise of offering “advice” or “guidance.” The fire captain’s condescension is presented as wisdom, a common experience for women navigating traditionally masculine professions. His unsolicited suggestion that a “softer” career is better suited, despite clear competence, reflects systemic gender bias.

The moment of clarity—realizing the captain was dismissive, not supportive—illustrates the slow process of recognizing and pushing back against internalized devaluation. The internal monologue about craving approval from “Dad—I mean, Captain” is not only funny but sharp, exposing the tangled roots of authority, validation, and emotional need.

The story explores the personal vulnerabilities that make systemic bias harder to recognize in real time—how emotional needs for validation can cloud judgment and delay realization. The acknowledgment that personal motivations might be tied to unresolved emotional needs and that it’s okay to hold space for those complexities without judgment.